As You Like It: June is busting out all over

June is my favorite month of the year. It’s just so very June. You can put away your ice scraper without fear of a surprise squall, lock up your mittens, and store your bulky sweaters. In June the summer hasn’t formally started so it’s still there in front of you to dream about. You can leave the windows open all night and not feel like a popsicle in the morning. In June the sun rises early and so do the birds, and they make a much better alarm clock than your alarm clock. It gets dark so late that you feel like you have a bit of a holiday each day after work. And best of all, school is over no matter how old you are. June is delicious.

On one of my many web journeys I found that I am not the only person in the world who thinks June is special. There are scores of groups who think it is such a great month that they have sponsored days, weeks, and even the entire month in honor of their cause. Some are quite serious, but others are a bit, shall we say, loony? Let me share a few and you can decide for yourself.

June is:

Potty Training Awareness month. Who exactly is being made aware of this? Not the parents who are desperately trying to get their youngsters to go in the big boy/girl toilet. Last time I checked, potty training is usually between a parent and their kid, and they’re already pretty aware of what’s going on, so who else needs to be aware? Friends? Relatives? The free world? I guess if the kid has a Facebook page he could announce that he’s in the process of said training and is going to do a ceremonial flush in honor of this hallowed month.

Rebuild Your Life Month. Imagine it only takes a month to rebuild your entire life. I guess we should be thankful that it’s not just a day. How does one go about honoring this goal? Do you simply wake up, and upon seeing that it’s June 1, declare, “I’m going to rebuild my life this month and nobody is going to stop me!” Just seems odd to me.

National Accordion Awareness Month. I know I’m probably going to get outraged phone calls and e-mails for saying this, but do we really need to be made more aware of accordion music? Doesn’t it sort of shout itself out to the world already? Last time I checked there was nothing subtle about an accordion or the music it produces … now if it were national polka month I might understand.

National Bathroom Reading Month. What’s so great about this is that there is a link that you can click on to get a list of the “10 loo-brary books” for this month. The two that stand out are “Confessions of a Tabloid Writer” and “Everyone Poops.” (That last one can probably be used during Potty Training Awareness Month as well.) Now, I know I’m often not the sharpest tool in the shed, but why do we need to be made aware of this? And for an entire month? Most women who are living with a significant other of the male persuasion are already quite aware that their partners are taking magazines and encyclopedias into the bathroom on a regular basis. Now, I could maybe see the need for Everybody Poops Month (and it already has a book!)

Fish Are Friends Not Food Week. Oka-a-a-ay. I guess I could take a fish to lunch, but think how awkward the ordering would be: “Waiter, I’ll have the halibut; oh God, I didn’t mean you, Fred. I meant another halibut … You know, some of my best friends are halibuts.”

Take Your Dog to Work Day, June 25. Yes! I am so definitely shlepping Snoopy into work with me. It’s about time that lazy good for nothing animal learned how hard his mommy works to provide him with treats. Let him be more grateful for the working hours that are needed to pay for his daily chicken! Of course, knowing how restless the Snoopster can be I’ll probably have to observe National Leave Work Early Day (June 2) but nonetheless this day is only surpassed by:

Please Take My Children to Work Day, June 28. Is this a Henny Youngman punch line? You’re begging someone to take your kids off your hands and into their workplace? So they can see how hard a total stranger works? Someone please explain this to me.

Stupid Guy Thing Day, June 22. Only one day? You’d need a lifetime to list, explain, and laugh hysterically at all the stuff that would arise from observing this holiday, including the fact that it was probably a guy who sponsored it. Oh where do we begin?

World Handshake Day, June 21. Do not confuse with National Handshake Day on June 24, which has a different sponsor. This is such an important holiday that we need two different organizations and sponsors and two different days. Get your hands ready folks.

And a holiday that should be observed with champagne, roses, chocolate and a huge bonus:

National Columnists Day, June 22. Finally, some recognition for all the brilliant ideas we overworked columnists come up with and the paper that we waste in their execution. Isn’t June great?

Dedicated to Shirley B. who missed my column last week — I’m still here!

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Posted by Joan Florek Schottenfeld on Jun 17 2010. Filed under As You Like It, Opinion. Both comments and pings are currently closed.