As You Like It: Don’t You Remember?

If one more person asks me that question I will be forced to do them an injury. It especially irks me when my children ask me that. We’ll be having a perfectly lovely conversation along the lines of, “Remember when we all went on safari?” and I’ll sit there with a silly smile plastered on my face and answer, “Uh, no I don’t.” Then they counter with, “But don’t you remember when the lion nibbled your toes?” It is at that point that my temper will get lost along with any sanity that I had left, and I will scream, “That can’t possibly have happened, surely I would remember a lion eating my toes!” But apparently I don’t.

This is not the simple where-did-I-leave-my-glasses thing. I’ve misplaced entire chunks of my kids’ childhoods. The only memories that I have left are a result of photographs or videos. It used to be that I might not have remembered every detail, but at least I would have a hazy recollection. But lately even that has gone, poof. I can’t dredge up anything – not a hint, not a clue – of what my family is talking about.

On the other hand, there are times when I’m a winner in the memory game. On my way to work every day I run into my friend Buddy. I’m really proud of myself for remembering Buddy’s name. The problem is that Buddy is a dog, and I can’t recall his owner’s name (the guy I actually talk to) for the life of me. Yesterday I finally confessed that I had forgotten his name.

“It’s Seth,” he smiled at me. “But don’t worry, Buddy is the important one.” I really appreciate his understanding. After all, Buddy is rather distinctive because he’s missing a leg, whereas Seth, sweet as he is, is, well, just a normal guy.

I keep hearing about this memory problem mostly from women. Is it because we juggle so much every day that we shed superfluous bits of information, like our addresses and phone numbers, along the way? Is it the stress level that we all carry along with our drivers’ licenses? Is it our hormones playing funny tricks on us? And just what was the point I was making again?

But it seems that there is hope for me. I keep reading about all kinds of exercises that will boost my memory even though I can never even remember where I put my IQ. And it’s not just the usual crossword puzzles and SODOKU suggestions, but other, more innovative methods. According to Manning Rubin, a coauthor of Keep Your Brain Alive, “You can improve your memory and the way your brain functions by regularly exercising each of your five senses.” So for all of you who are having the same problem, I’ll let you in on a few of these memory boosting tricks.

Get dressed with your eyes closed: Lay your clothes out the night before, then put them on blindly in the a.m. If you blunt one of your senses, the others work harder, which strengthens the brain…

And heightens the possibility that you will leave for work looking like an idiot. I see no mention of a mirror in this suggestion, so I’m guessing that your brain grows exponentially with each guffaw that you hear from someone staring at you because you put on your bedspread instead of your dress.

Play lunch roulette: Swap brown bags with one of your co-workers. Breaking a routine by surprising your taste buds helps force the brain to trigger new nerve pathways, which keeps it healthy.

Since my co-workers tend to order lunch from places that specialize in fries, nachos, and sour cream, I would be trading memory enhancement for massive weight gain. I have to tell you, if I have the choice of having an amazing memory and being obese or losing my mind but looking gorgeous, vanity wins out. I’m willing to forget a lot for beauty.

Shop by heart: Fire up your brain cell activity by trying to remember your grocery list in your head instead of relying on a written list.

And I’ll basically come home with nothing but chocolate and ice cream because the reason I’ve written things down is that I can’t remember anything to begin with, you idiots! What about that can’t you understand?

Have a silent family dinner: Enforce a no talking while eating rule for one night. You’ll have to communicate your request for an extra roll in a visual way, which will spark creativity.

Oh, how the sparks will fly. I will point to a roll, my husband will roll his eyes, a gentle hint to let me know that I could do without the extra carbohydrates, and then I will creatively use my finger to let him know what I think of his editorializing about my weight. And then we will have a silent family dinner for the rest of the month.

Maybe I should just reconcile myself to the fact that I’m going to be saying, “No, I don’t remember” to people for the rest of my life. After all, it made my friend Mike happy when I forgot that I had lent him money. Who says that you have to remember everything? Who says that a phenomenal memory is so great? And just what was the question again? I can’t seem to remember.

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Posted by Joan Florek Schottenfeld on Oct 7 2010. Filed under As You Like It, Opinion. Both comments and pings are currently closed.