Sandy’s Promise: Determined aunt makes a home in Canton

By Jay Turner

The pain in Sandy Goldstein’s voice is evident from the moment she speaks, and the more she shares, the more it becomes clear that she still hasn’t grieved the loss of her beloved nephew Jonathan Forman.

As Sandy herself later admits, grief is a luxury that she simply cannot afford right now — not with all the paperwork that still needs to be done, or the unveiling that still needs to be planned, or, most importantly, those two sweet children who now depend on her for their every need.

Jonathan Forman with his Aunt Sandy and daughters Aimee and Sabrina at Aimee's Bat Mitzvah (Photo by Jan Birch)

To be clear, Sandy is thrilled to be the primary guardian of her two grandnieces, 14-year-old Aimee and 10-year-old Sabrina. Jonathan, after all, was her godson, and in reality he was more like a surrogate son, having lost his own mother in 1981, when he was only 13.

Both mother and son died of cancer: Marlene, who was Sandy’s only sister, from esophageal cancer at age 43, and Jonathan from Ewing’s sarcoma, which presented as a tumor in his chest, at age 42.

Sandy, as Jonathan’s closest adult relative, remained by his side throughout the entire ordeal. And by late January, as he lay dying in a hospital bed at Mass General, she made a promise to him and his two daughters that she is absolutely determined to keep.

“Everything will stay the same for the children,” she assured him. “Don’t you even think about it.”

Later, as she solemnly informed the girls that their father was not going to make it, she repeated her promise with a mother’s conviction: “I told them, ‘You’re going to come live with me, and I will get a house in Canton and nothing is going to change.’”

True to her word, Sandy soon left her home in Bridgewater and moved into a “beautiful” rental home in Canton, with a backyard that faces Sharon Memorial Park, where Jonathan is buried. She even decided to retire from her job — years earlier than she had originally planned — and has spent the past several weeks sprucing up their new home while keeping the girls’ design tastes in mind.

But to say that this transition has somehow been a smooth one, or to suggest that they have grown comfortable in their new surroundings, would be to dismiss the giant-sized void that the passing of Jonathan has left in each of their hearts.

“He was their world,” Sandy said of her nephew, who was a single father. “They totally adored him. It’s so sad because I’m not him. I’m not their daddy.”

Sandy described Jonathan as an “incredible” father, the kind who would do anything for his girls and one who always stayed on top of their activities and appointments.

She noted how he had “arranged and coordinated everything” for Aimee’s Bat Mitzvah, all while struggling through the horrors of cancer, including the “worst radiation” that made him feel like his throat was on fire. During this time, he also managed to hold down his job as an IT specialist for BJ’s Wholesale Club.

“Through all that, he wanted to make sure that his children were trained in their heritage,” recalled Sandy, fighting back tears. “He was just so unbelievable. That man, he never, ever complained.”

At the same time, Sandy said Jon harbored “no false pride” and wouldn’t hesitate to reach out for help from family — including his brother Barry and sister Julie — his friends, or various charitable groups such as the Salvation Army and Combined Jewish Philanthropies.

“He had enough humility to know that he needed help,” she said. “He reached out and everybody helped him.”

And topping that list was his Aunt Sandy, who regularly took care of the girls and also made dozens, if not hundreds of trips to Mass General — all of this while working full time and living nearly 20 miles away. There were also “countless times” when she got a phone call in the middle of the night and would have to rush him to the hospital to receive emergency treatment for a neutropenic fever.

“This went on,” she said, “over and over and over for three years.”

Eventually, there came a point where she ran out of sick days and could no longer drive him to his treatments, so without hesitation, their fellow congregants at Temple Beth David agreed to pitch in. Before long, they had a small army of volunteers who took turns not only giving him rides, but also making meals and spending time with his two girls.

“These people rallied like I’ve never seen,” said Sandy, who described the temple as a small but very close-knit family, filled with “amazing” individuals.

And it’s not just the people at the temple who have amazed her with their generosity and kindness. From Jonathan’s coworkers at BJ’s to the Canton Public Schools, the family has literally been blanketed with support over the past three years.

Sandy, in fact, could not even imagine where she and her grandnieces would be right now without the assistance they have received — financial as well as emotional — in the months since Jonathan’s passing.

The Galvin Middle School, for instance, raised over $2,500 so that Aimee and Sabrina could attend Eisner Camp in the Berkshires this summer. They have also received additional assistance from the Jonathan Forman Fund, which was set up at the Bank of Canton by family friend Deni Swenson in collaboration with Sabrina’s Girl Scout troop.

Perhaps the biggest help of all — although Sandy is by no means keeping score — has come from Jonathan’s employer, which contacted Sandy shortly after his passing to tell her they had set aside nearly $40,000 so that the girls would be fully covered for medical and dental care over the next three years.

“People sometimes are just incredibly wonderful,” said Sandy, welling up as she relived that memorable phone call.

And there are so many others whom Sandy will remain forever indebted to — people like Rabbi Allison Berry of Temple Beth David, who served as an “incredible mentor” to Aimee, or Jonathan’s friend Scott, whose daughter is one of Aimee’s best friends and who has “helped to give the girls a great time.”

For Sandy, all of this has only reaffirmed her belief in the tried and true slogan that “it takes a village to raise a child.”

“And that’s what I said to Jon,” she recalled. “I said, ‘Don’t you worry. Their village is here in Canton and that is not going to change.’”

Of course, for all the help that she’s gotten, Sandy knows that the ultimate responsibility falls on her shoulders, which is a reality that both she and her nieces are still getting used to.

“They think I’m very strict and I am,” she said. “But I love them to death and they know they’re loved.”

And they are “wonderful kids,” she said, and both are doing “incredibly well” considering what they have been through.

As for Sandy, she admits to feeling a bit worn down these past couple of months, and she still thinks of Jonathan constantly, the sting of his death often hitting her at the “worst times.”

But she generally tries to focus on what she does have, and what she has are two precious reasons to stay healthy, focused and committed — not to mention a whole village that’s more than willing to help.

“This has just been such a difficult three years,” Sandy acknowledged. “It takes its toll, but we have to move forward. We have to give these girls what they need.”

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