Memory Room eases pain for grieving families

In the fall of 2006, Pam Abrams-Warnick walked around Marshalls in a daze, her arms full of clothes that she had no desire to buy. A year earlier, her son Jeremy had tragically passed away at the age of 20. He was a bright, energetic, fun-loving young man, full of life and vitality. His sudden death had left a devastating, immeasurable void in his mother’s heart.

Memory Room founders Francie Minder, Pam Abrams-Warnick and Beth McNeill

In the year after Jeremy’s passing, Abrams-Warnick, an Easton resident, was besieged by grief and not yet ready to reach out to other bereaved individuals — that is, until a chance encounter with Francie Minder of Canton, who happened to be at Marshalls that very same day, her arms also full of unwanted garments.

Minder’s daughter Chava passed away in 2003 on the day after her 15^th birthday, after battling cancer for over a year. Minder’s son was an elementary school classmate of Jeremy’s, and her family had attended his Shiva. When the two mothers happened upon each other a year later, they threw their clothes down on the rack, went for a cup of coffee, and simply talked. The pair had found a measure of solace in each other’s company, and appreciated the therapeutic power of sharing their emotions and experiences.

“At first you can hardly get out of bed in the morning; you can hardly keep going,” said Minder. “When you’re in doubt, it always helps to reach out to someone.”

Minder made a similar connection with Beth McNeill, who lost her daughter Sara, then a sophomore at Stoughton High School, to a brain aneurysm at the age of 15. McNeill and Minder saw the same individual therapist, who thought the two women would be an excellent match.

McNeill, Minder and Abrams-Warnick soon joined forces to run a Compassionate Friends Support Group, utilizing knowledge and experiences from their professional lives as therapists, artists and teachers.

“We’re good together,” Abrams-Warnick said. “We can share with each other and we can make each other laugh. It’s a nice friendship.”

Eight months ago, their natural chemistry and experiences with grief counseling led the three women to create their own nonprofit grief support network called “The Memory Room: Nurturing families after the loss of a child.”

“We thought that there needed to be a place on the south shore for families who have lost a child,” McNeill said.

Located at 2 Canton Street in Stoughton, the group offers a variety of support systems and creative outlets for families who have lost a child. The Memory Room’s comfortable, homey space is adorned with pieces of art from the bereaved, providing the perfect environment for families to express themselves, and feel at home doing it.

The trio is quick to point out that their group is not just for parents, but for entire families, including siblings.

“A huge concern for parents who have lost a child is siblings and the restructuring of the family,” said Minder, a retired art therapist. “Children grieve in a different way. They might need to draw it out or dance it out.”

In addition to drop-in “tea and talk” times, the Memory Room runs a number of artistic workshops, including memory quilting, scrapbooking, mixed-media collages, and journal-making and writing.

“After Jeremy died, I couldn’t paint,” said Abrams-Warnick. “I was too shut down. But eventually I made a collage of sympathy cards, which is now on the cover of our brochure. We think it’s important to find ways to express yourself other than talking.”

Minder’s first means of expressing her angst was a quilt that she began to make a year after Chava passed. It was a year-long process that was often very painful, but Minder knew she wanted to make something material out of her grief. Last year, a woman whose son had died 17 years ago came into the Memory Room to make a quilt of her own and bond with Minder. It proved that there is no timetable for expressing oneself and talking through one’s sadness.

The group stresses that no prior artistic experience is necessary to utilize the Memory Room’s services.

“You don’t have to be an artist to come in,” McNeill said. “It’s often just about doing something while you’re talking. The process is what’s important.”

People from all walks of life have latched on to the Memory Room’s message of hope and creative expression. The surrounding community has bonded together to support the grassroots organization, which is solely dependent on donations. Lawyers, politicians, and local businesses owners are among those who have offered time, resources, and funds to the emerging nonprofit.

Stoughton Town Manager Frank Crimmins will also host the Memory Room’s upcoming fundraiser, “A Night to Remember,” to be held at the VFW Hall at 837 Washington Street in Stoughton on October 15. The event aims to raise operational funds for the Memory Room and will feature food, live music, dancing, a cash bar, a raffle, and an auction.

The south shore trio see the night as a fitting tribute to their exuberant, creative, and talented children, as well as a great opportunity for friends and family alike to hold on to their memories.

“I think our kids would love what we’re doing now,” said Minder.

The Memory Room hopes to soon expand into offering outreach to schools and also groups for teens and young adults in expressive arts, drama, and discussion.

For McNeill, Minder and Abrams-Warnick, every piece of artwork created, every event organized, and every distraught soul consoled keeps the memory of their children alive.

“Eventually, your loved ones become integrated into you,” McNeill said. “I think over time Sara has become a part of me.”

With the memory of their children in their hearts, the trio hopes to inspire others to cherish their loved ones as well.

Said McNeill, “I think if we can offer anything, it’s hope.”

Tickets for the “Night to Remember” fundraiser can be purchased by phone at 339-237-8068, or by email at memoryroom1@gmail.com.

Donations and checks are payable to The Memory Room, 2 Canton Street, Room 120, Stoughton, MA 02072.

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Posted by Danny Joseph on Oct 5 2011. Filed under Features. Both comments and pings are currently closed.