Caddie’s letter to William

Acting Master Wm McKendry Jr
U.S. Ship New Hampshire
Port Royal South Carolina

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Oh my Darling! my Darling!
I am cross. I am angry. I am half crying.
I am almost entirely discouraged.
But you poor fellow have been just the
same and it is cruel to add to it. I have
cooked all day long. I saw the _____ telegraphed
and I have watched eagerly enough with a
heart so full. I cannot attempt to describe its
sensation to you. Father + Mother are here and
of course I have had a busy day. But all day
long I have been whispering to myself
“tonight I shall have comfort, tonight I shall
have rest and love. Wm is coming.”
And the night has brought instead the letters
of the 13th and the heart sickening discouraging
information that

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you are not likely to have a
furlough at all. Oh Darling it is hard work to be
parted but I will try my best and when I think
of the thousand ills that might happen I feel rebuked
for thinking it so hard.
But I can tell you one thing it is quite lucky for the U.S.
service if they want your services that your orders
were revoked from Brazil. I should have raged like a
wildcat more than a civilized woman if that had
happened, I can tell you. I won’t be sure the _____
Admiral and all, had not severely received the veils
of my wrath in their heads.
Did I lead you for service in Brazilian waters? Did
I consent to learn all this dreary anxiety and loneliness
for anything except the war against the traitors
menacing the nations life? Am I willing to spare you a
single month beyond the peace? No Sir!

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Your resignation is to go in the very moment you can
do it, and say “I (staid) until the Rebels were conquered.”
God said it may be soon. God grant we may have a
happy meeting!
Well Darling it is poor policy for me to write tonight.
This evening that I thought should see me in your arms with
Willie rejoicing over our happy meeting. If Father + Mother
were not here should I not have what you call a regular
“blow out” at crying. Now I don’t want to make you feel
worser I know well enough you have gone through my
several stages of indignation, wrath and grief and it is
enough to have it on your own account if not mine.
But I have counted so strongly upon it. I cannot get back
to tranquility. There were a great many things too, waiting
for your attention. There is the pantry well filled with your
favorite dishes.

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So with what zest have I rolled out pie crust. Stirred up
cake and roasted beef saying jubilantly to myself
“This is for Wm’s Sunday Dinner!” My Darling, my precious, my
all the world don’t talk about _____ getting up a steamboat too.
Let me get you home and if you mention the word “ship” I’ll
send my ink bottle to obliterate it from your lips.
I am desperate I am. I won’t be a “lone lora woman” anymore if
I can help it. I’ll have you for a beau if I can if I can’t get you
——- well. I won’t threaten as you stew pretty stolid
as regards jealousy —- but oh dear. I am so sick of this life.
So sick Darling that I am serious in saying if you are to be away
six months longer I had better go away. Down to _____ or somewhere—-
Father + Mother leave Friday aft. He seemed so happy to get
out and he and Willie are wonderfully loving. You have no idea
how much he is improved, how much more agreeable a companion
he has become. He is quite as blue as I am tonight

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because of the failure of seeing you. He has been counting upon
your help in setting the Lord business. I wrote you expecting
you would get the letter just before starting begging you not to be
vexed to find them here. I hope you won’t be vexed also with the
letter itself. I did not mean to make your but I was sort of
afraid you would be a little cool and I knew it would trouble Father
ever so much. I feel tonight as if I should be glad to see you come
even if you are maid cross and out of sorts —– You speak as every one does
about Gen ???? engagement. Every one is surprised however if she
is contented that is enough and it is no one else business. I have got
a wretched cold, a sore throat, a very troublesome nose, and now that
a heavy heart is added it is rather a piteable case isn’t it? But I am
ungrateful. You are safer and well

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Heaven be praised for that, I am terribly terribly afraid you will not come
for some time, but surely peace is at hand. What can there be for the
Navy to do in three months more at the rate we are going on now.
I have seen Norma L a few moments. She is expectant so is Eliza
Melzar. Did you know Eliza Shepherd that was who married somebody
I don’t know who has been married a long time and childless? She
has just died in childbirth the first after 14 years. I think she is a
relative of yours. Ellen came out yesterday having St Patricks Day
for a holiday in her school. She returned today. Well I will save the
rest for tomorrow’s letter. I mean to send this along by somebody at
church tomorrow. Good Night my one darling. Our Heavenly Father
give us soon a happy reunion. Ever Yours. Caddie.

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