A mother speaks again and again

By Harriet Burak

On September 9, 2004, my son, Michael Jonathan Burak, died after fighting a lengthy battle against the illness of substance use disorder (SUD). He was 31 years old. These past 19 years have been ones in which I have experienced many highs and lows. As Michael’s mother, I have had my share of wanting to “beat myself up.” First, there was the “How could I have let this happen?” Then there was the “How could my child have died from a drug overdose?” Alanon tells us “I didn’t cause it, I couldn’t control it, and I couldn’t cure it.” Intellectually I understood this; but emotionally, as Michael’s mom, in my heart I believed that I should have been able to “make it all better.” After all, isn’t that what a mother does? I am sure you have heard the saying, “Love conquers all.” In this case, all the love in the world couldn’t conquer the desire to use that consumed my child.

Harriet and Michael Burak

An expression heard so often these days goes, “It is what it is.” The question is, “What can we do to change what it is?” Has any progress been made in the past 19 years since Michael died? Although we continue to read almost daily of young people who are losing their battle and are dying from overdoses, we are also seeing that more and more people are becoming aware of and are educated to the illness of substance use disorder.

In our own town of Canton, a coalition was established in 2013 to address youth substance abuse. In 2016, I, Michael’s mother and a longtime Canton resident, joined the board and represent CAASA at monthly meetings at the district attorney’s office. Together, with other communities, we brainstorm ideas and programs that we can bring to our towns to assist in prevention, intervention, treatment and recovery.

Despite the progress we have made in spreading the word that SUD is an illness, despite the programs that are out there to help those fighting the disease, the result of the disease — the addiction — is still taking lives. Last year, 2,357 Massachusetts residents lost their lives to overdose. That sentence may contain just another number, but those were individuals — someone’s mother, father, son, daughter, relative, or friend who died. Since Michael died in 2004, there have been countless named celebrities who have died as a result of overdose. Heath Ledger died at age 28 in 2008, Michael Jackson in 2009 at age 50, Whitney Houston in 2012 at age 48, Philip Seymour Hoffman in 2014 at age 46. And those are just a few. All those deaths were connected in some way to drugs.

Most recently, USA Today reported in August 2023 that a drug dealer was sentenced to 10 years in prison in the overdose death of actor Michael K. Williams. Two years after The Wire actor died of an accidental overdose, the man who sold Williams fentanyl-laced heroin has been sentenced. Street drugs, marketed illegally, are often laced with fentanyl. Fentanyl is a killer. Drug usage, resulting in death, is happening every day. And yet is everything negative? Is there hope? Is there recovery? The answer is, “Yes.”

Just last week at the Celebration of Life here in Canton, where we honor those lost and those struggling with SUD, we met those who are living their lives in recovery one day at a time. Our musician who performed during the program is in recovery, as are our guest speakers, a husband and wife. Last week’s Canton Citizen reported that the number of overdoses have fallen steadily since the start of the pandemic as residents now have access to more treatment and prevention resources as well as education programming in the schools. CAASA has provided funding to bring in evidence-based curriculum to help our children understand the full story around using drugs. Although we are fortunate to see a drop in numbers of overdose, we must remain vigilant as it is also true that there is a rise of fentanyl distribution regionally and nationally as well as methamphetamine — both silent killers and often found in heroin.

Nineteen years ago there was no social media, certainly not to the extent that it is in our lives today. Every day I read posts about addiction, and the one message that keeps coming through is, “Keep the conversation going.” Talk about the epidemic that is facing our young people today. Take the shame away. Although the initial drug use is a choice, the addiction is not. Being an addict is not a moral failing; it is a physical and psychological dependency that needs treatment and time.

My son Michael said it best when he wrote in his journals, “I have a relationship with heroin where I only look forward to getting high. Nothing can describe the feeling when dope hits you. I put dope first, before family, friends and work. I can barely recall life before it.” This epidemic of addiction is stealing our next generation right before our eyes. They are our future and we need to continue fighting for them. This disease exists in all families, from all walks of life. It is not someone else’s problem; it is ours. It was mine.

My son was a heroin addict. We need to speak the truth. We need to stop keeping this quiet. We need to keep the conversation going. We need to stop the silence. We need to recognize that we are not alone in this battle. We need to share our stories. Together we can fight this war and win!

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