As You Like It: It’s in the Cards

I sat opposite her not knowing what to expect. She had a warm smile that made me comfortable even though I had never done this before. For years I’d read about Tarot cards and seen people having their cards read in movies and it had always fascinated me, perhaps because of the cards’ vibrant colors or fascinating designs, but I’m a skeptic and have always placed Tarot in the realm of fantasy.

But at the library’s Sip and Shop, there would be a reader donating half of the proceeds to the library. I was in! At the end of my volunteer shift I eagerly approached the reader’s room. I watched the woman in line before me at her reading. She didn’t look very happy, and when she left, she gave a small, sad sigh. What had I signed up for? They told me that I had 15 minutes and in I went with some misgivings.

Franki introduced herself and asked me, “What are you searching for today?”

An expected question. What was I looking for? Suddenly I knew. I told her that I had recently retired from full-time teaching and was restless. I had assumed that once I stopped my punishing commuting and teaching schedule, a huge cloud of relief would descend, making me lighter. Happier. More content.

It was true for a while, but then uncertainty set in. I felt empty, rootless, untethered, uncertain. I had no mandatory schedule to follow, no defined road to walk, no absolute goals to set. I wrote lists of things I should be doing, but they were mostly chores. I returned to the gym, but didn’t feel any stronger. I felt like I no longer recognized myself. I felt like I was living a stranger’s life.

Franki listened carefully and said, “Okay, I know what I’m seeing but let’s see what the cards say.”

She turned over four cards and smiled. She said that the cards had reinforced what she had seen in me.

She told me that I was filled with energy but lacked confidence. The first card she turned over, the Fool, spoke of unlimited potential. The next, the High Priestess, evoked feminine energy and time to reflect. The Star brought hope and bright prospects, and the Two of Wands revealed planning for the future.

She told me that instead of feeling that the best part of my life was over, I should be thinking that the first part of my life had ended — the part where I lived my life for others, the part where my thoughts and energy were constantly directed at helping the people that I loved and cared for. Now this part of my life should be lived for me. This was the selfish part where I came first, where I sought out the things that gave me comfort and direction. I needed to direct my energies toward finding passions that excited me.

She turned over the King of Cups and said that I was lucky to have a partner who was grounded and supported me with love and wisdom. Steve! She turned over the Ten of Cups, which indicated birth and I gasped at the truth in that card. And then she found the Three of Pentagles, which spoke of success in new endeavors.

She filled the table with cards, each card echoing what she had said in the beginning. And then she looked at me and said, “Joan, this table is amazing, every card I turn over is saying the same thing — use your passion and energy and move forward toward something you love. I don’t often see a table like this!”

I had tears in my eyes as we hugged. When I left the room the people waiting said, “You were in there for a half hour! You looked like you became best friends!”

It was an unexpected experience. Steve, my incredible husband, had been telling me much the same things that Franki had, but seeing Franki’s enthusiasm as those beautiful cards filled the table affected me deeply. And I began to think. What do I want to do with myself — for myself — for the rest of my life?

Chafing at semi-retirement and angry with myself for my feelings, I found myself always complaining. This morning my wise friend Nancy gave me her advice. We had just come out of our morning gym class and as usual I was whining, as we stood outside while others rushed past. Having retired a few years ago, she had found herself in much the same place.

“It’s a process,” she said. “It took me a few years to become comfortable with my new life and find a new direction. You’ve only had a few months.”

As we stood there shivering, I knew she was right.

So I’m facing 2024 with a list of my passions: my family, my friends, my community volunteering. Being part of the work of Canton’s Diversity, Equity & Inclusion Committee, thinking about conservation and political work, and above all, the library, my second home. As I write I’m beginning to feel a welcome energy that has been missing before and I’m determined to put in the work. After all, it’s in the cards.

Wishing everyone a peaceful and healthy New Year. May we all find our passion but leave room in our hearts for everyone else to find theirs.

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Posted by Joan Florek Schottenfeld on Jan 12 2024. Filed under As You Like It, Featured Content, Opinion. Both comments and pings are currently closed.