As You Like It: Full Circle

Passover’s been over for a while, but I’ve only now had the time to think about how this Passover season was once again the same and different from all other years. This year the seders fell on Monday and Tuesday, which was not conducive to gathering family together. It was a lot easier when we all lived in the same house. But I was grateful that both girls were in the country. Two years ago Mariel was in New Zealand and last year Lisa was in India, leaving us with empty spaces at the table. This year my daughters’ better halves were coming so we would have a nice full table.

One good thing about having our family seder on Monday was that I had the entire weekend before to shop and prepare. I was also able to take Monday and Tuesday off from work so that I could plan, cook, set up, and then clean up in relative comfort and not worry about stuffing it all into a few hours. I managed to do most of the cooking on Sunday so that on Monday I merely had a hundred last-minute things to finish off. I was seriously thinking of drinking a lot of wine that day … kosher of course.

I woke up Monday morning feeling fairly cocky and thinking, “The brisket is cooked, the chicken prepared, various salads prepped, the table extended, and even the silver has been polished; I’m in really good shape. No need to rush today.”

I’m such an optimist. When will I ever learn? It’s always the little things that take the most time, and with a Passover seder there are lots and lots of little things. There’s charoseth to be made, that delicious concoction of chopped apples, walnuts, wine and cinnamon, the seder plate to prepare, haggadahs (the booklet that we read telling the story of Passover) to hunt down and matzoh balls to be cooked. Not to mention the preparation of the rest of a major meal where everything seems to go wrong at the last minute.

So it was a usual pre-seder day filled with things I inevitably forgot until the last minute. But miraculously — it is the holiday of miracles, after all — by 4 p.m. the table was set for eight: Lisa and Matthew, Mariel and Dan, Steve and me, and our good friends, Donna and her daughter Alison. Alison has been with us for our seders since she and Mariel met at the Kennedy Elementary School. She knows the Passover songs better than Mariel and has been with us even when Mariel couldn’t be. Sort of like a surrogate daughter.

It was the first time that Matthew and Dan would be joining us so we were prepared to do some Passover explaining. We actually enjoy it since it gives us a chance to remind ourselves why we are doing what we are doing. It has become a Passover tradition because happily there is often someone new at our seder table. Dan was a bit nervous and I can’t say that I blamed him. It’s nerve wracking to be the newbie when everyone around you knows what they’re doing. We assured him that we would not do anything without explaining it first and that there would be no sudden moves.

It was Matt’s first seder, too, but he was more relaxed. Lisa has introduced him to so many new things already that I don’t think he would even blink an eye if she told him that we were about to sacrifice virgin eggplants in honor of the holiday. He would just nod quietly and take it in. It also helped that he has developed a fondness for Manishewitz grape wine. He was going to need it if he was to drink the traditional four cups.

We had a joyful time. It was quite the experience to see four young adults ransacking the house searching for the afikomen. Steve had explained earlier that this was a piece of matzoh that he would hide and that the “children” would look for after the meal. It was included in the seder to keep young kids awake and interested during the long evening. In order to resume the seder after the meal, the afikomen has to be found and a deal made with the adults conducting the seder. We usually pay for it in chocolate. While they were frantically searching I attempted to ask Alison a question, only to be told, “Can’t you see that I’m very busy right now?” That had to be the best line of the evening.

Though the traditional question asked at every seder is, “Why is this night different from all other nights?” it turned out that this year was different from all other years for us. For the first time since we’ve been friends, Donna invited us to share Easter dinner with her and Alison. We were delighted. That Sunday, as we sat with our good friends I felt that our lives had come full circle. Sharing both Passover and Easter together felt not only right, but inevitable. We have known each other for so many years, have laughed and mourned together and have managed to keep the bond strong.

At both our Passover and Easter tables we toasted renewal, rebirth and friendship.

But most of all we celebrated life and the differences and similarities that bound us. What a wonderful tradition.

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Posted by Joan Florek Schottenfeld on Apr 22 2010. Filed under As You Like It, Opinion. Both comments and pings are currently closed.