Retired teachers embrace new caregiver role

Bill and Joanne Sweeney with their grandchildren: (l-r) Matthew, Benjamin, Joey, Samantha and Brendan

When Bill and Joanne Sweeney decided to retire from their teaching jobs in the spring of 2009 — Bill from the math department at Canton High School and Joanne from the Mather Elementary School in Dorchester — they had visions of tee times and tranquil mornings dancing in their heads.

But plans and circumstances invariably change, and when life threw the Sweeneys their first post-retirement curveball, they did what they had done for years in the classroom and happily adjusted on the fly.

Now the two former educators who were known as “Mr. and Mrs. Sweeney” to generations of schoolchildren find themselves with a new role and title — that of full-time “Mammy and Bampy” to their five beloved grandchildren, who range in age from 5 years to 12 weeks.

Every weekday, with the assistance of part-time nanny Lucy, the Sweeneys provide daycare services for all five of the children. This includes their daughter Rebecca’s three boys, Joey, 5, Matthew, 3, and Brendan, 20 months, as well as their daughter Marissa’s two children, Ben, 3, and the newest addition to the family and the Sweeneys’ first granddaughter, Samantha.

Instead of those tee times that Bill once dreamed of, the Sweeneys now have story times and snack times to look forward to; instead of tranquility they have what amounts to controlled chaos. And yet, for the time being at least, neither Bill nor Joanne would have it any other way.

“We both love it,” insisted Bill from their home on Riverview Road. “We feel like we’re blessed to have five healthy grandchildren and fortunate to be healthy enough to do this. The rewards for us, this is not monetary. Our rewards are the hugs and kisses and the time we get to spend with them.”

It is an arrangement that Joanne said works well for their family — and one that is becoming increasingly common across the United States, according to recent statistics.

In fact, in a report released last spring by the U.S. Census Bureau, entitled “Who’s Minding the Kids,” grandparents were listed as the number one source of care for preschoolers with employed mothers, representing more than one-fifth of all cases. Meanwhile, the percentage of non-relative care has fallen sharply in recent years, down from a high of 28 percent in 1985 to less than 13 percent in 2011.

Another study, released in 2012 by the University of Chicago, revealed that a whopping 60 percent of grandparents provided some care to their grandchildren over a 10-year period, and of that group, approximately 70 percent provided care for two years or more.

“We know lots of other grandparents who watch their grandchildren, including some that are right on our street,” noted Joanne, who often meets with fellow grandparents when she takes the kids to activities.

A significant part of this growing trend appears to be tied to economics, as stagnant wages and soaring student loan debt, among other factors, threaten to leave today’s younger generation worse off than their parents for the first time since the Great Depression, according to several alarming studies.

And even in a relatively affluent community such as Canton, there is still the sticker shock associated with paying for full-time child care, which ranges from $11,000 to $16,000 per year for each child, according to the latest state figures from the National Association of Child Care Resource and Referral Agencies.

In the Sweeneys’ case, however, the reasons are not so much financial as they are personal — a voluntary arrangement born out of love for their family and gratitude for their lot in life.

“We do field a lot of opinions from people — a lot of people say we’re crazy,” said Joanne with a laugh. “Some people say the kids are taking advantage of you, but we don’t feel like that at all. They are using our gift of taking care of the grandkids for what it is — a gift. And we have a great relationship. We love them to pieces and they show that to us all the time.”

As for the day-to-day challenges involved in watching so many little ones, both Joanne and Bill agreed that it requires a lot of planning and patience.

“We usually plan our day the night before — almost like a lesson plan,” said Bill.

Bill Sweeney with grandsons Brendan (left) and Joey

A typical day for them starts with breakfast in the morning and includes an assortment of playtime, activities, naps, and drop-offs and pickups. This year, Joey, the oldest grandchild, is attending kindergarten in Norwood, while Matthew is attending preschool at Blue Hills Regional four days a week. Joey also takes karate lessons and plays hockey, and two of the younger boys do a music group once a week through the Norwood Recreation Department.

The Sweeneys usually try to do one special activity with the kids each day, whether it’s going to the Children’s Museum in Easton or the Canton Sportsplex or the arts center at Mass Audubon.

“We have memberships to everything imaginable,” said Bill. “We’ve been to every playground this side of who knows where.”

They also take the kids to many of their doctor and dentist appointments, and Bill insists that they are on a “first-name basis” with all of the doctors and nurses at Milton Pediatrics.

Days typically end in the evenings with dinnertime and baths, and then Bill and Joanne take an evening walk before getting ready for bed around 9 p.m. “Then we wake up and do it all over again,” said Bill.

If it all sounds a little too straightforward or too organized, rest assured: the Sweeneys have their share of difficult moments, and there are days when it can be downright exhausting.

But for the most part it works, they said, thanks to a solid partnership between husband and wife and the wisdom that comes with having done this before.

“It could be age-related, it could be because we’re grandparents, but I feel more tolerant than maybe I was as a parent,” said Joanne. “I think I’m more easygoing, more laidback, more accepting than I was as a parent.”

At the same time, both Joanne and Bill understand that they are not merely babysitters and that they have a responsibility to instill values and structure in their grandkids’ lives.

“We have to worry about their diet and worry about their safety and them having good manners,” said Joanne. “You’re teaching the whole child. You’re not just taking care of them for a few hours.”

Joanne said there will come a point, perhaps a few years from now, when they will “really retire” and be ready to “just be grandparents and sit back and enjoy.”

In the meantime, they consider themselves fortunate to be in the position they are in and happy to be able to give back to their children in this way.

“My wife and I, we are together all the time,” said Bill. “We have our moments like every couple, but we’re really blessed. Just look around: We have five healthy grandchildren, three healthy children, two pensions that allow us to do this. God has been really good to us.”

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Posted by Jay Turner on Sep 19 2013. Filed under Features. Both comments and pings are currently closed.