German exchange alum rekindles bond with hosts

Ralf Lügger with Jake O’Neill, Jack O’Neill and Maureen O’Neill Miller

Ralf Lügger was a teenager attending St.-Georg-Gymnasium academic school in Bocholt, Germany in 1984, when he traveled to Canton as part of the exchange program between St.-Georg and Canton High School. He never forgot his experience here and returned with his wife this past fall to visit Jack O’Neill and his family, who hosted him over 35 years ago.

Elsa Nicolovius, who taught German at Canton High School for many years, started the exchange program with CHS and St.-Georg-Gymnasium in the late 1970s. It is the longest continuous exchange program in existence between a German and American high school. Two of her goals for the program were to broaden horizons for young people on both sides of the Atlantic and to give teenagers the opportunity to learn about another culture and country by being a part of a family in that country.

In an email, Lügger wrote about his decision to travel to Canton. “At that time I traveled a lot with my parents and it is well known that traveling is educational,” he said. “I’ve always been a person who wanted to know more about the world, who was curious and still is. Curious to think outside the box. The exchange was a unique opportunity for me to do just that. I had a deal with my not really wealthy parents. They paid for the flight; I had to take care of the pocket money myself, which I then managed through various long-term jobs.”

Jack and Susan O’Neill had five children: Maureen, Jake, Kate, Nancy, and Mike, all of whom attended Canton High School. They did not study German at CHS, nor had the O’Neills hosted a student before; but when a friend contacted Sue O’Neill about hosting Lügger, she agreed. Lügger recalls arriving at Canton High at night on a bus with the other German students after their flight. The Canton host families were waiting for them and holding signs with their names on them. Sue O’Neill was the first family member he met.

Lügger said that he wasn’t tired when he and Sue got home that evening, but he was nervous about his English language skills and tried to avoid talking to his host family by saying he wanted to sleep. “But that was not accepted at all,” he said, “and we talked long into the night. I immediately felt like I’ve always been part of the family. Perhaps you know the feeling that you have arrived; that is how it was with me and the O’Neill family from the first second. I lived with the nicest, warmest people I can imagine.”

Lügger also liked Canton and the people he met. “When I arrived in Canton, I immediately liked everything,” he said. “The school, the type of school in a full-time routine, the football team, the cheerleaders, the charm of the small town. The wooden houses had their charm, as well as the shopping opportunities that I didn’t know from Germany.”

He bought a Walkman with his spending money as well as a cassette of the latest Prince album. Lügger especially loved the open friendliness of everyone he met. He was so happy in Canton that he didn’t want to return to Germany. “ I would have loved to graduate from high school, play football, and then go to college,” he said, noting that he still has a CHS football jacket.

Maureen O’Neill Miller remembers Lügger as someone who was friendly and comfortable to be with. He was also tall, athletic, and good-looking. “He had lots of girls looking at him,” she said with a laugh.

In general, her father, Jack, was adamant about the whole family having dinner together and sharing conversation. “We’re talkers; we’re not shy people,” she said. The O’Neills treated Lügger as one of the family, making sure that he felt included in their dinnertime experience.

One memory that Miller has of Lügger has to do with food. “He discovered chocolate chip cookies. My mother sent him home with a big tin of chocolate chip cookies.” Sue O’Neill later sent packages of the cookies to him in Germany.

After Lügger returned home, he finished school and then turned his hobby of training dogs into a career that has lasted over 20 years. “I drive to my customers and work where they live, spend their free time or work — i.e. wherever their dog accompanies them — on everyday problems or on basic education,” he said. “I train every dog, from Chihuahua to Great Dane. My catchment areas where I work are Germany, Austria, Switzerland and the Netherlands.”

Lügger lost touch with the O’Neill family until 2019, when he contacted Miller through Facebook. Sue O’Neill passed away that same year. Lügger’s plans to visit the O’Neills were delayed by the spread of COVID-19, but in November 2021, he and his wife, Claudia, flew to Boston and visited the family twice. During his first visit, he spent a few hours with Jack, Jake, and Maureen reminiscing and walking around the house, taking photos of things he remembered. Then he went to the cemetery with them to place flowers at Sue O’Neill’s grave. He and Claudia returned to Canton a second time to say goodbye to the family.

The impact of the CHS/St.-Georg exchange was deep and lasting for Lügger. “This exchange has brought and shaped me incredibly far as a person,” he said. “I’ve always been a person who can feel comfortable and adapt anywhere. It was not even necessary to produce this artificially in Canton. The O’Neill family made it so easy for me to feel at home in a foreign country, so that I still feel part of the family today.”

“Think outside the box,” he advised. “Be interested not only in yourself, but also in your fellow human beings.”

Miller said that her family didn’t travel much, so hosting Lügger allowed them to learn about life and traditions in Germany. Their recent connection with Lügger made them realize the positive impression they left on him.

“It turned out to be pretty great,” she said of her family’s experience hosting. “You don’t realize the importance that a family has. That’s made my heart happy.”

The O’Neills and Lügger are hoping to see each other again in 2022.

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